As 2012 brings to close another year, I wanted to take some
time to reflect on this past year. I must be honest this has been a very
difficult year for me in probably every aspect from physically, spiritually,
emotionally, health wise, you name it! I believe that this was a year of
development for me and let’s just say it was not a very fun process but a very
necessary one. I can truly say with every difficulty came a lesson learned and
I just wanted to share a few things that I learned in 2012.
1.
I can do
all things through Christ who gives me strength.
This took on a WHOLE new meaning for me in
2012. It is so easy to say “I can do anything as long as I’ve got King Jesus”
when you are not going through anything! Anyone can talk a good
game when the game is going good but let that bad boy take a left and it is a
whole different tune. I can truly say that I learned that I am a lot stronger
than I ever thought I could be in this year alone and it was not because of
my own strength but because of the strength of Christ. One the hardest things I
dealt with this year was losing my Bishop. I just knew that man would live to
be the same age as Moses and Abraham :)
and no one could have ever told me that I would lose him this year. It was like I lost the closest thing I had to a father figure...That was a big change that took place that I
honestly wasn’t prepared for and I didn’t really know how to go forward after
it.
This year I also had to deal with a lot of
personal battles within myself and within my family. I lost a lot, I cried a
lot, I was confused a lot but when I look back what I see is that I got
through. A lot of the things and people that I thought I needed so much were stripped away from me. I was kind of forced to deal with me and everything that was really dealing with me. Being saved does not exempt me from tests, trials, tribulations, etc.
But the perk in it is that I have Jesus constantly walking with me and helping
me along the way every single step. When I read Philippians 4:13 now, it takes
on a completely new meaning as I truly realize that my help comes from the
Lord. How can I give up when I have the One who is willing to be strong for me!
I was reminded that I don’t have to carry the cares of this world on my
own. First Peter 5:7 reminds me of this
when it says “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you” (NLT).
When I learned that my strength lies in the hands of the Lord, things didn’t
seem so heavy anymore and I could rest in His peace regardless of what was
going on.
2.
I need
God daily.
I can honestly say this has probably been
one of my hardest years spiritually. I have never cried so much, prayed so
much, studied so much, and gotten frustrated so much lol all at the same time
sometimes! Bottom line is I cannot do this thing called life being weak in my
spirit. I need to spend time with God daily, no if, ands, or buts about it. Do
I spend time with God every single day? NO I have not and that’s exactly how I
learned that I needed Him daily! I learned that spending time with God daily is
not a “requirement” or a habit but it has to be a desire from within. When you’re
hungry you want food and to satisfy your hunger fix you eat. If you go long
enough without eating after awhile you’re not really that hungry anymore. It is
the exact same thing from a spiritual view; if you don’t spend time with God
daily, after awhile you no longer desire Him anymore. I had to learn that I will
want what I give my attention to. I have
to feed my spirit daily. God showed me that I have to be intentional about my
walk and that I have to desire spending time
with Him from my heart and not simply from a place of obligation.
3.
I am not
my skin OR my hair.
Earlier this year I had to have surgery
that left me with scars that let’s be honest didn’t leave me feeling the most
secure or confident about myself. This was probably the most insecure I've felt in myself. That was a huge reality for me to accept that
I’ll be honest I’m still somewhat learning to deal with. Although I hate to
admit it, it showed me how vain I was and how focused I was simply on my
outward appearance. In 1 Peter 3:3-5 it says:
“Your beauty should not
come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of
gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
For this is the way the
holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves…”
(NIV).
My outward appearance is not what is of
importance point, blank, period. God
doesn’t even care about it; He cares about my inner appearance regarding how my
heart reflects His. Beauty, scars, and
everything else will fade away one day, but what will I have to offer God when
that is gone? I must say this ties in with learning to spend time with God daily
because once I put my focus on Him I had less time to be focused on miniscule
things that are not relevant to helping me grow in Him.
Lastly, a change that I made this year was the
decision to go natural. I had actually stopped getting perms back in 2011 but I
was just flat ironing my hair so I never really wore my hair curly at all until
this year. So many people have made comments about my hair, some positive some
negative, but at the end of the day it does not define who I am. I am not my hair;
my hair is simply a reflection of me. It
taught me to be bold in decisions that I make regardless of those who don’t
agree with my choices. It reminds me that I cannot waiver or change my opinion
about what I think or believe in simply because someone doesn’t like it or
agree with it. My hair is not a fashion statement or a part of a trend, it is
simply my choice to be free.
Of course this is not everything that I learned in 2012 but
I just wanted to highlight a few things. I’m constantly learning and growing
and I hope to continue to do so daily until I’m out of here. Here’s to a
blessed 2013!
