So We're Friends?

     I’ll be honest when I felt the tug on my heart to write about this, I thought eh…I don’t know if I want to be that transparent. I immediately thought I don’t want to share certain things, do I really have to talk about that…because what will people think?!?! I was quickly reminded that 1. Who cares what people think, they don’t have a heaven or hell to put me in. And 2. If I can’t share it than that means that I’m still bound by my past. The devil is a lie! It is in the things that we share that truly set us free and helps us to help someone else. I want to be the first to say I am NOT the perfect friend none whatsoever. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t have this whole friendship thing figured out at all. All I do have is my experience to share NOT expertise by any means. Along the way you'll see pictures of women (I dont believe in men and women being friends, nothing personal) who I believe embody the type of friend that I admire and would want to be. It's not everyone but these were the pictures I had at the moment. So here it goes...my story.

     I gained a pretty decent understanding of what it means to be a friend through all the wrong ways of being a friend. I remember being in middle school and high school and changing friends as I would change my underwear as my mother would say. I’ve been the good friend to all the wrong people, I’ve been the bad (let’s be honest, horrible) friend to some of the right people and the wrong ones, and I’ve been the fake friend to the fake friends. I was the “friend” who talked about my “friends” like a dog behind their back but smiled and encouraged them to their face. I was the Jezebel “friend” who everyone thought was the “good girl” but was spending nights with the guy that my “best friend” told me she liked. I’ve been the follower “friend” that just wanted to fit in with the promiscuous “friends” (you are the company you keep…what they say about them birds? You know that whole flocking together thing). This led to when I was the “friend” that was having sex with the “friends” friends that should’ve been off limits friends. I was the manipulative “friend” that could flip anything to being the other friends fault because I could do no wrong (cocky much, yeah…). I’ve been the other woman “friend” to men who had girlfriends but that didn’t matter because we were “just friends” or so I called it. I’ve been the hypocritical “friend” that passed judgment on my friends because they weren’t like me because I put the “me” in awesome (sheer sarcasm, I was a mess and ¾). I’ve been the holier than thou (not even close to it) “friend” that was too churchy for no reason and wanting to point out my friends sin instead of my own. I’ve been the jealous “friend” to good friends where I didn’t want to see them doing better than me and if they did I was bitter about it. I’ve been the all about me “friend” where I don’t really care about what’s going on with my friends I just want to talk about me. I’ve been the backstabbing “friend” who would sell out a friend to make myself look good. I’ve been the conceited “friend” that wanted to be the “prettier than” friend. I’ve been the mean “friend” that intentionally said and did things to hurt friends. I’ve been the sometimey “friend” that likes you today but can do without you tomorrow. I’ve been the selfish/envious “friend” that had to be the first to do everything (first to get married, first to have kids, first to whatever who really cared).

My best friend Mariah who is absolutely a God send to my life. I truly thank God for her. We've laughed together, cried together, prayed together, and grown together. She's caught me when I fell (literally lol) and has been there through the good, the bad, and the good googly moogly ugly. Love her to the moon and back. :)

      I’ve been the friend that checked out when things got too hard and I just wanted to avoid the conflict. I’ve been the friend who loved too hard and got burned. I’ve been the friend who was always there but never had “friends” who were. I’ve been the friend who forgave what some would call the unforgiveable in “friends” who didn’t even care. I’ve been the naïve friend that tried to see the best in the worst of “friends.” I’ve been the faithful friend to unfaithful “friends.” At this point I’m sure you get the gist…the point is I’ve had a number of failed friendships. The truth is, all of my friendships have failed with the exception of my current best friend. But the thing is, at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter whose fault it was. Those friendships blessed me because they showed me what I want in women I call friend and it showed me what kind of friend I need and want to be. So here are just a few things that I’ve found to be important for me in being a friend and what I look at in potential friends. Once again, I am not an expert on friendships AT ALL nor will this list be applicable to everyone, it’s just a few things that I think about. Alright, let’s get to it! So what makes a person a friend? I thought the definition of friend given by dictionary.com was interesting and by interesting I mean inaccurate to some extent. These are a few of the definitions and I’ll be addressing them as I go along. 

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 

2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

 3. a person who is on good terms with another  

1. A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17, KJV). I’ll be honest I’ve greatly struggled with this. When you think about the word love and then you think about adding in “at all times” that means forever…forever ever, forever, ever. I already mentioned I’ve been the check out friend in a number of my “friendships.” The truth is I have abandoned a number of my friendships when things simply just got to be too much. It was either too much drama, they were getting on my nerves, our personalities were clashing, they were always going through something or having an issue. Bottom line I didn’t feel like dealing with whatever they were bringing to the table at that time and so I bailed. I WAS WRONG. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Yes those friendships needed to play their course but a true friend does not leave you when there’s a shift in the relationship. The problem that I have with the 1st and 2nd definitions of friend is that the truth is, you may not always be on good terms with your friends (yes, even the good ones) and your feelings may not always be in bestie mode! It just is what it is, no shade none whatsoever but that’s the reality of relationships. You will have your ups and downs but that can’t be the end all. You love your sisters through your mess, their mess, ya’ll mess and press through it. I do want to be clear, I am not saying stay in friendships that God told you to walk away from! I wholeheartedly believe in closed doors, but in true friendships there will be times that you may have to fight for your friendships and stay through difficult times. 

2. Have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I’m going to attempt to say this in the nicest way possible… There have been tons of people who I have talked to about certain stuff and they said they would pray for me and I knew that their lifestyle didn’t honor God at all and I honestly thought don’t even bother (I know that wasn’t nice but it’s true). I need a friend that can get a prayer through bottom line. Not judging, but simply put when I am going through I need the people closest to me to be able to intercede on my behalf and for God to be able to hear their prayers. John 9:31 says, “Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth His will, Him He heareth” (KJV). I didn’t make that up, that’s the book! I need my circle to be strong for me when I may not be able to be strong for myself. Encouraging words are all good but answered prayers are even better. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying if you aren’t saved I can’t be friends with you but what I am saying is I need people who can push me towards Christ and help me along my pursuit of Him versus being stumbling blocks and getting me off course.

3. The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray (Proverbs 12:26, NLT). What type of person do you want to be? What type of woman do you want to be? How are those around you influencing you to become that person? These are the questions I had to ask myself. You are the company that you keep. It’s no getting around that.

 I was talking to my best friend Mariah the other day and I was telling her about a crossroad that I am at and she told me to seek God and when I told her I was going to fast she offered to fast and pray along with me without me even having to ask her. She is the company that I keep and that company pushes me towards Christ. Absolutely adore her. “Do not be deceived: bad company ruins good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). #Friendcheck

4. In order to have good friends, you have to be a good friend. You attract the type of person that you are. If you want to have friends who are good to you, you have be a good friend yourself. It's a two way street.

 5. There are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24, NLT). Your real friends do not intentionally hurt you. They are not always going to be ragging on you and constantly pointing out your flaws in a negative manner. I was that “friend” that did that. Nobody wants to be friends with that. Proverbs talks about the annoying nagging wife, well guess what no one wants an annoying nagging friend either! Grace your friends as God has graced you. Love them through their stuff and pray for them. Your real friends will stick with you in season and out of season. 

Meet the trio (Mariah, Gopi, and I). Out of respect for these ladies I’m not going to share the details of our problems but we’ve been through it. There were periods that we weren’t even speaking to one another. It took me a long time to admit and even realize my wrong in the friendship when things went sour. So proud of the women that we’ve become and even more so I’m proud of who we’ve individually become in Christ. As we developed and matured in Him, we developed and matured into better women, friends, and sisters.

6. When you go through, they go through. A real friend hurts when you hurt, rejoices when you rejoices. They are not envious of your success but happy for you as if it was them. They intercede on your behalf. They get on their face before God for you. They tell you they’re going to pray for your situation and they actually do it. 

7. They tell you the truth. I’m not talking about simply telling you that you have a booger in your nose although a real friend better do that too. A real friend speaks life and some time that life comes in the form of reminding you that you are wrong. That’s okay! People that truly love you do not want you to be stuck. They want to see you grow and they want God’s best for your life. They should point out areas that they notice are stumbling blocks from a place of love. In trying to help others, I often times forgot that it's not always what you say but how you say it. I came at my friends like a nit picking friend with an attitude at that. Be mindful of your tone and attitude that you have when addressing difficult topics.

This is a very short list but this rant has gone on long enough! As women we have a tendency to be ashamed and feel guilty of our past or even our current but it's through sharing with others that someone else can be encouraged and that we can be free. I am not ashamed about my past as it gives me an opportunity to glorify God for His transforming power. Hope this helps someone :) All glory be to God.

Why am I single?

            “Why are you single? When are you going to get married? Everybody else is getting married or got a gut full of human when is that going to be you?” It appears that you hit a certain age where people feel the need to ask you these questions or maybe you even start to ask yourself these questions. I believe that every season that you go through develops you for the next. The single season prepares you for the married season and most importantly it gives you the time to learn yourself as an individual and who God created you to be before adding someone else into the mix. Let’s be clear first and foremost that the single season is not equivalent to being lonely! Embrace singleness; it is one of the few times where you have all the time to focus on you, learn you, and learn God. Develop an intimate and personal relationship with Him during this time so that you don’t have to struggle even more trying to figure out how to balance God with work, a mate, and kids.  

            I’ll be the first to say I did not wake up one day and decide that I was content in being single and was okay in trusting in God’s timing to send me my spouse. I had made plans for my life that by the age of 25 I was going to already be married and have at least one child. On May 3, 2013 I turned 25, single and childless and completely okay with that! For the longest I was on this kick of I wants (yes wants) me a man! I want a husband. Every relationship I would get into I would start planning my (not our but my) wedding in my head and even going as far to think of what our kids would look like. Yes I was that girl smh. The thing was I was saved, loving God, serving Him and in relationships with men who I knew were not God’s best for my life. I was constantly wondering, God when is it going to be my turn? When am I going to get married??? I want to get married too don’t You know that?? I was reminded one day when God asked me, Angel why do you want a husband? Your spouse is your help meet. What do you need help with you aren’t doing anything girl! I could not help but laugh because it was true! I wanted a husband because everyone else was doing it and that was the only reason. Oh that’s not true…I also wanted to show off having a flashy ring, a wedding dress, and update my facebook status. My priorities were more jacked up than a bad pedicure.

           

            The bottom line is we have to want God more than we want the things He can give us. I had made an idol out of wanting a husband and a family because I wanted it more than I wanted Him. If I would’ve gotten it I still wouldn't have been content because all I would be doing is filling a void that only He could fill. Or once I got what I wanted I would’ve convinced myself that I no longer needed God (lies). This single time is one of the few times that I will be able to just sit at Jesus’ feet for hours if I want to. This is the time to experience life, get up and go when I want to, discover more about me, and just live. I had to learn to not hate the process! I can never say that enough. Don’t fight the process but instead go along with it and allow God to develop you in each season. He wants to have a close and personal relationship with each of us and let’s be real we make that difficult when we are constantly trying to fill His spot with people and things.

So these are just a few reasons why I’ve learned to embrace my singleness:

1. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22, KJV).  I want to submit to my one day husband as he submits to Christ. I cannot submit to a man that is not submitted to Christ point, blank, and the period. This man will be responsible for me, my household, and for leading our children to God. I can’t afford to have just any old Joe Schmo to take on that title. I no longer want to settle just to be married but instead I want to do marriage God’s way. Furthermore, how do I expect to submit to my husband if I’m not first submitted to Christ??? My single years are the time to practice submission by submitting to Christ and to learn Him so that He can develop me and guide me in submitting to my one day husband.

2. Courting vs. dating:  I don’t need to date a million and one jokers to find “the one.” He’s already been hand picked by God and I don’t have to date around and test drive potential spouses. I know what God’s standard is for my life and I don’t need to go through a bunch of random men to try and find the one when God will identify me to him. The world says you have to date around to determine what type of person you like. Not so; the more you seek God the more your desires will be for the things that please Him. For the longest time I was attracted to men who were the complete opposite of me, had no vision, and no relationship with God. Even when I first became saved I remember thinking I want a man who goes to church (not knows God but simply goes to church) but one who isn’t too “churchy.” Needless to say the Lord has really changed my heart to desire character traits of a man that honors Him and not my flesh.

3. I have a purpose: Just because a person is a Christian that does not automatically mean it is a match made in heaven. Being unequally yoked does not simply just apply to a non-believer and a believer being together. Both people can be Christians and not be equally yoked. Well how is that possible? So God’s called you to be a pastor and establish a church and He’s called the good looking Christian brother to evangelize and travel the world. The purposes don’t match. Yes they’re both good Christian people and doing God’s work but their purposes conflict. God is revealing to me what He created me for and I need to be able to know that my purpose and my spouse’s purpose line up with one another. Does this mean that we should have the exact same purpose? Absolutely not, but they should be compatible to the extent that we can help one another to grow and develop the vision that God has given to the both of us.

4. I trust God’s timing: As I was questioning God about my purpose not too long ago I got this overwhelming peace. This peace came from the simple reminder of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). I was reminded that I don’t have to know every detail of my life, what’s going to happen next, or when it’s going to happen. I remember telling God, " I trust the plan You have for my life because I know that it is great and I know that Your plan is only what is good for me and not to hurt me. It doesn’t matter when You reveal it to me because I know that You have a plan and a purpose for my life and that it is great." It goes the same for being single. I trust that God will bring me my spouse in His timing, not in my deadline. I’m okay in trusting in that timing because I know that what God brings me will be good for me. I want to have only one marriage and I’d rather wait for God to send me His best for my life instead of settling for the worst just so I can show off that I got a ring.

This is not everything but just a few reasons of what led me to this point. God has not forgotten about you. He knows what your desires are and He desires to fulfill them. Instead of seeking after a mate, seek after Him and allow Him to present you with His best. When I was struggling with wanting to be married, everywhere I looked somebody was changing their status to engaged or posting wedding pictures and I felt like God didn’t realize or didn’t care that I wanted that too. I still see it all the time but I know that I can’t compare what God is doing in me with other people’s lives. Guard your heart. Don’t allow your emotions to convince you that God has forgotten about you. Be content with your portion and where God has you in this moment. Embrace your single season! Hope this encourages someone. 

Guard Your Heart

 “Above all else, guard your heart; for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).  

This particular verse has been heavy on me for the last couple of weeks and I realize that it is because there is an urgency for us to protect that very thing, our heart. We should be guarding our hearts like our life depended on it simply because it does! 1 Samuel 16:7 says, “…The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (NIV). Guarding your heart varies from the things that you watch and listen to that plant seeds in your heart, to the people that you deal with. It is soooooo important to guard your heart with people. Simply put, everybody should not be able to freely have access to you and everyone should not be able to speak into your life. Now I know that may sound a little harsh but the truth of the matter is that it is important to protect your heart and what God has placed on the inside of you and you cannot afford to have messy people speaking negatively into your life. Remember “death and life are in the power of the tongue;” what are you allowing to be spoken over you? (Proverbs 18:21, KJV).  

Everyone is not qualified to speak into your life point blank and the period. Everyone is going to have an opinion and advice that they want to give and that is fine but that does not mean you have to receive it. Don’t get it twisted, I believe in accepting wise counsel, however, you need to discern who is giving you wise counsel and if it is really wise or foolish. I can count on one hand the people that I trust to speak into my life. It’s nothing personal, but my relationship with God is personal and I cannot afford to have people influencing me especially when it does not line up with the word of God. I had a heart to heart with my best friend today and I was telling her something that was really personal and a heavy subject and her words of encouragement pointed me in the direction of Christ. If people really knew what I go through they would question why I continue to serve God. I am at a place where I know that my situation does not define who my God is. God is still God in spite of my ups, downs, and in betweens and you need people who will remind you of that, not people who will ask you well “why would your God let you go through that?” Puh-uh-lease my God gave me a Savior, He gave me His only Son so that I, little miss mess in a dress, could have a relationship with Him and have an opportunity of eternity in heaven with Him. So if my God never does anything else for me, He has already done enough! The point is the people who you should be allowing to speak into your life are those who can point you towards God. If they aren’t pushing you towards Him then where/what are they pushing you towards? Serious face….I don’t know about anybody else but I need people in my circle that can get a prayer through! I’d rather have a handful of people close to me that really have a relationship with God than a ton of people who “think” they know God but can’t get a prayer through to Him because they have failed to repent and turn from their ways. The word says “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them" (NIV). Don’t be concerned about the numbers but be more concerned with having people close to you who have hearts for God who can actually cover you. 

                 Have you ever told someone you were going to do something or try something new and they’re like “uhm…yeah I don’t think that’s going to work out” or “I don’t think you can do that.” It’s time to tell those people don’t speak that into my life! Stop letting messy negative people tell you what you can and cannot do. The Creator of your story is God, period. There’s nothing left to discuss on that end. It’s also important to seek God for the direction of your life. I have had people tell me oh you should do this or you should do that in reference to things in ministry. Let’s be clear, a good idea is all fun and dandy but it ain’t got nothing on a God idea and HIS timing. Too often people take action outside of their season and outside of the will of God because man told them “it’s your season to prosper and be blessed.” But what did God say??? We as a people have gotten to a point where we jump to our pastors, prophets, sisters, and friends to get a “word” for our life but we don’t even seek God about it. We depend on man to tell us what our tomorrow holds, and there are too many people in leadership roles that only want to satisfy a person’s itching ears so they continue to give these messages of prosperity and love instead of really dealing with the hearts of people. You want to know your purpose; you want to know what you were created for? Seek God! The word tells us that “if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and all your soul” (Deuteronomy 2:29, NIV). Seek God!! You want to know who and what you need to guard your heart from, seek God! 

                  Ask God to show you the hearts of the people around you, He will make it clear. But here’s the thing, people reveal who they are to us every day. All we have to do is pay attention. People will show you who they belong to. Well what does that mean? People will show you who their Father/father is. You’re either a child of God or a child of the enemy, there’s no in between. Who we belong to is simply identified by our fruit; 1 John tells us that “No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother or sister” (NIV). Who you belong to is identified by how you live. We cannot afford to be children of the devil, let’s be clear on that. Whatever is pulling you away from Christ, repent, turn back towards Christ, and guard your heart from those things. The first step is always going to be repentance, the next step is going to be obedience, and He will give you the rest of the steps from there. God desires to have a relationship with us, don’t allow anything or anyone to separate you from Him. “Above all else, guard your heart; for everything you do flows from it.”

Pinky Promise Conference/Sisterhood

I attended the first annual Pinky Promise Heart to Heart Conference in Atlanta this weekend and it was phenomenal in the least to say! Before I even begin to talk about all the greatness that took place, I figured I should share a little bit about what exactly the pinky promise movement is. It’s an organization for women that was founded by Heather Lindsey (heatherllindsey.com) and the promise is to honor God with your body and your life. More info about it can be found at www.pinkypromisemovement.com. What I really appreciated about this conference is that all the speakers preached the unadulterated gospel and it was not sugar coated or watered down. They preach true repentance, holiness, hell, and not just happy, happy, joy, joy messages. It was clear that the conference wasn’t a show for us to come see those who were hosting it but to really experience God and to have our hearts changed.

Registering for the conference

Two days prior to leaving for Atlanta I unexpectedly had to drop a ton of money to buy four new tires and a new battery for my car that we were driving there. I knew it was just a test to get me distracted, upset, and frustrated before going to the conference simply to get my mind off of meeting God there. All things work out for my good, so enemy we still going to ATL, get out of my way ha! I can truly say this conference was life changing in the least to say. The heart to heart name was quite fitting as my heart was wrecked, emptied, broken, and made new in the four days I was there. It was just a beautiful and humbling experience to be amongst hundreds of women who just loved Christ and wanted to pour out their hearts and be changed and really live for Him. We all know as women, we have a tendency to be known to hate on another woman, cause drama, be catty, anything negative you can think of is often associated with women. I am so proud to say that absolutely none of that was there. The sisterhood that was present really blew me away as women were praying for each other, crying with each other, crying for the hearts of those that were broken and needed healing. The fact that we were turning to each other to pray for women that we didn’t even know, may not have even known their name, but simply had a love for them because they are our sisters in Christ and we want to see the chains broken and to see them live out God’s will for their life simply showed me the beauty of God’s love.

Truth moment: Something that I have always struggled with has been my friendships with women. Every friendship that I have had has failed with the exception of my best friend Mariah and to be honest I am usually really skeptical about females so I tend to keep to myself. I’m not shy at all I just don’t trust any and everybody in my space. Going into the conference I wasn't guarded like I usually am which was a blessing because I was able to meet so many beautiful women after God’s own heart. Even one of the girls that I came with, her and I had only met once prior to hopping in the car and taking an eight hour drive together and we got a chance to pray for each other, be girly and do our make-up together, stand out in the cold for an hour for some chicken and waffles (lol), and now I have a new sister friend in Christ! 

                                                    My BFF Mariah and I

When I think of what type of woman I want to call friend, I think of someone who can really push me towards Christ and help me to grow as a person. The last night of the conference Heather had finished preaching, people had finished praying and were starting to leave but there were still some women at the front who wanted prayer. I didn’t know if the girls who I came with wanted to stay or were ready to leave so I asked them were they ready to go or if they wanted to stay and I could tell by the look in my bff’s eyes that she wasn’t trying to leave and not even a minute later Cornelius Lindsey (Heather Lindsey’s husband) says “These are your sisters up here (referring to those in the prayer line), pray for your sisters.” From that moment on everything changed; the presence of God just seemed to be so heavy and all you could do was get on your face before Him. The beauty in all of this was the desire to cry out to God with a heart of true repentance and to have chains broken and yell out that I am free! Nothing else mattered other than wanting to simply be in the presence of God. My friends could’ve easily been like “yeah everybody else is leaving let’s go” but they didn’t and because of that my heart was changed, my life was changed. What I had been seeking from God became evident and within reach. I’m grateful for having a best friend who is hungry for God and wants to pursue Him.
                        Rocking our pinky promise bracelets! Sisters United :)

This doesn’t even begin to sum up how God moved at the conference but I’m trying to keep this as short as possible! There is nothing like being amongst like minded women especially young women that really want to live for Christ; those that desire to have a personal relationship with Him beyond simply going to church on a Sunday. There is power in unity and serving God; be encouraged! 



I got some great new songs from listening to the praise and worship team that are posted below. Enjoy!