Dear Woman: You Have Not Lost Your Worth

Dear Woman,

    Working in retail, you see it all the time, customers refusing to pay full price for products they feel aren’t perfect. It’s as if a slight imperfection cancels out its usefulness and value. If something has so much as the tiniest scratch, I’ve witnessed customers ask for a discount of some kind. I’ve ordered new items for customers because there was a page in a book that wasn’t perfectly aligned with the others. These slight imperfections caused products to lose  their value in the eyes of paying customers. The same is true of cars. As soon as you drive a car off a lot it begins to lose its value. A car’s value is based on the name on the car, the number of miles that’s on it, how many accidents it’s been in, how old it is, etc. The more miles, accidents, and years it’s been around the less people are willing to pay for it. Just like products in stores and cars on a car lot, we too have so many things trying to devalue us and take away our worth.

    The way the world and people treat products and cars is sometimes the same way they treat people and sometimes it’s the way we treat ourselves. Living life we all fall short and make mistakes. The world and people are sometimes so quick to hold those things against us and note that as one of the ways in which we aren’t perfect and have lost our value. The world and people define your worth by where you grew up, who your parents are, what college you attended, how much education you have, your ethnicity, your weight, your past etc. with some upping your value and others lowering your value. We sometimes even allow our past to dictate our value and worth. We’ve all got a past, we’ve done things we aren’t proud of and because of this many of us have felt unworthy and devalued. We’ve felt devalued because some of us have lived promiscuously, others have lived a homosexual lifestyle, others have lied, cheated, some have sold their bodies; others have been abused and molested, etc. And we’ve all felt this way at some point…like those things made us less, like they took away some of our worth. And we became ok with others treating us less than what we deserve. And we settled for randoms that only valued us for our looks and our bodies because we’ve let our past define our worth and say I’m not valuable enough for a really good man of God, who will treasure me, protect my virtue, encourage/push me to grow spiritually, and who will love me like Christ loved the church.

    I’m here to tell you today that you have so much worth and value! You are worth so much more than your past. You are more than your body. You are more than where you grew up. You are more than your education. YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR MISTAKES. Mistakes and your past may cause you to lose your value in the eyes of the world and people, but in the eyes of the one that matters you are worth it, you are highly valued! I want you to see yourself the way God does, Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He created us a new in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” You are God’s masterpiece! A masterpiece = a person’s greatest work, anything done with masterly skill, a consummate example of skill or excellence of any kind. YOU ARE GOD’S GREATEST WORK. YOU ARE AN ILLUSTRATION OF THE AWESOMENESS OF GOD. YOU ARE HIS CREATION. YOU ARE MADE IN HIS VERY IMAGE! God doesn’t look at you and begin to check off all the many ways that you don’t measure up. He doesn’t sit down and go through your wrap sheet, docking your value for every wrong turn and mistake you’ve made. He didn’t say to himself, my Son’s death wasn’t for her; she’s not valuable enough for my Son to die. To God you were worth His Son, Jesus dying, you were worth saving, and you were worth buying back from death, hell, and the grave. In God’s eyes you are highly valued and you have so much worth! You are a daughter of the Most High God! Refuse to let your past, your mistakes, the world, and people take away your value and worth. If they don’t recognize your value, pray for them and move on. You don’t need to around people that don’t see your worth because they will cause you to lose sight of it yourself.

    Sis, whatever you’ve done, whatever your past, whatever your mistakes you have not lost your value and you have not lost your worth. Know that you are highly valued. That God paid a high price for you in sending His Son, Jesus to die for you because He deemed you worth it! In God’s eyes you never lost and never will lose your value and worth.

Love,

Mariah

You were worth the Son being sent and given…

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” ~John 3:16

P.S. Don't forget to check out the new Changed Hearts: I AM Woman site that can be accessed through www.changedheartsunited.com and Mariah Milan's blog at www.mariahmilan.blogspot.com!

Dear Woman: All My Single Ladies

Dear woman,

            As a single trust me I can understand the desire to want to be married. Especially as you see beautiful couples who are so in love with their spouse and they did it God’s way and you look on with your heart screaming I want that!!!! Trust me, I get it, but as singles who really want to grow in Christ we can’t afford to settle when it comes to our spouse. The person that you marry you become one with them (Mark 10:8). Their issues now become your issues and you need to know what their issues are! People get worried about taking on another person’s financial debt when they become married but they don’t think about the spiritual debt that they may have to take on as well. Ladies, it’s so important to wait on God’s timing for this. I know that’s so much easier said than done! I’m right there with you sisters, trust me I get that the struggle is real sometimes but God has not forgotten about us singles. He’s not going to withhold any good thing from those that follow Him (Psalm 84:11) but we have to trust that He has our best interest in mind in protecting our hearts.
          I’d like to share my truth for a moment…about two years ago I came back into contact with an old boyfriend. Although I knew he wasn’t God’s best for my life, I liked the attention. It felt good to have someone, well not just someone but a man, to talk to on a daily basis. So he asked what I was looking for in a relationship now as we had not dated for about 3-4 years at this point. I gave him the longest list; he needs to believe in God, needs to be stable, I’m abstinent now so he needs to wait until marriage to have sex, and so on and so on. So I say all this and his response is, “well I don’t have the best relationship with God right now but I’m working on it. The whole sex thing, I mean it would be difficult but I could do it if I had to.” Red flags are screaming but I’m thinking well at least he’s willing to try right? Somebody should’ve come and slapped some sense into me! So I then go on to say I’m not interested in dating, I’m going into my next relationship with the purpose of marriage in mind. His response, “I could settle down.” I’m like hmh…maybe this could work? Thank God for deliverance from stupid lol. So we continue to talk everyday for a few weeks and one day he texts me and says so someone told me that you preach now???? I didn’t tell him this when we “reconnected.” To be honest I didn’t tell him because I didn’t think he would want to be with me if he knew that. Uhm hello Mark 8:38! I’m sharing the gospel with people but I didn’t want to share this with the man who I was considering being with. I know that’s crazy. So we start talking about my beliefs and things and God. So the next few days we continued to have conversations about God and it completely threw me for a loop because I so was not expecting him to be receptive to it none whatsoever. So now my heart is really excited and thinking yay! Maybe this could actually work; he’ll get saved, love Jesus and we can be together right? So we continue to have conversations about God and he was telling me how he was struggling in trusting God because of different things that were happening in his life. So I’m over here quoting scripture, directing him to read Job, talking about the Apostle Paul and Abraham and I’m over here basking in this moment thinking this is going to be great this time around and I’m saying yessssss!!! God shuts it all the way down with the loudest NO! That was the last conversation that we had and this is what God showed me:

1. Wives, submit unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22, KJV). Let’s take the man out of the picture for a moment; how can you say you will submit to a man when you are not submitted to Christ first? As singles, if we want to prepare for marriage we first start by learning to submit to Christ. At that time I wasn’t submitted to Christ because I was completely ignoring all the red flags because the thought of marriage was completely clouding my spiritual judgment. We have to want Jesus and the direction of the Holy Spirit more than we want the husband.
2. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the saviour of the body (Ephesians 5:23, KJV). When we had our last conversation I was so excited that I was able to encourage this guy by talking about Jesus. That excitement left when God quickly showed me that he could not pour back into me. I don’t care how Godly your marriage is you are going to go through different tests and trials and you need a spouse who can cover you and pour back into you just as you pour out to them. The husband is responsible for leading his family towards Christ. The man you marry is going to have a direct impact on your relationship with God as well as your children’s relationship with God. You have to be able to trust the leadership of your husband. Is he even trying to honor your purity before you get married? What does his prayer life look like? The way a man treats you and acts before you get married is not going to change simply because he put a ring on it. Pay attention to those red flags before you say I do or you’ll end up saying Lord I wish I didn’t!
3. Flee fornication. All other sins a person commits are outside of the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18, KJV). The choice to be celibate has to be your own and the same goes for your one day spouse. Both of you have to come to the conclusion on your own that you are going to honor God with your body. It can’t just be because the bible says not to have sex before marriage so okay I’ll follow the rules. It’s not quite that simple. You have to have a desire to want to honor God with your body not just simply because it says to do so but because of who God is to you. I was setting myself up for failure with this relationship. Not only was this a person that I had fornicated with before when I wasn’t saved, but he was only okay with abstaining from sex because that was what I wanted. You are more likely to be tempted to give into fornication if your future spouse has not made up in his mind that he is going to set the boundaries in the relationship to honor your purity. (See point about the husband leading the wife). We end up putting ourselves in a compromising situation because we say oh I’m not going to have sex with him but just as soon as you’re tempted, you give in because he’s definitely not going to heed to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I would strongly advise against yoking yourself up with someone that you have fornicated with in the past once you are saved especially if they are not saved. You open the door for temptation to overtake you and in the moment where your flesh may get weak that unsaved man who is only going along with your request to be abstinent is not going to tell his flesh to shut up when things get hot and heavy. Let’s be honest ladies. When you fornicate you open yourself up to soul ties. You wonder why you’re feeling all crazy and what not because you’ve picked up something from the person that you’ve laid with.

* I do believe that God can separate two people, they work on their relationship with Christ and get saved individually and then He brings them back together and they are able to honor God without giving back into the temptation of fornication. That can happen, but God will show you if that is the case.*

    4.     You shall have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3, KJV). Singles it is so easy to make marriage an idol. We have   to keep our eyes focused on God and not our left hand ring finger. The more you focus on being single the more the enemy will have a field day in your head. He will send you all kinds of fine looking demons oops I meant men to get you distracted. So now your focus is no longer on seeking the kingdom of God but seeking after a man. You talk about wanting this husband more than you want to talk with God. Anything we put before God is an idol and everything that we create an idol out of the devil will indeed use it to distract and destruct our relationship with God.
    5.     Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23, KJV). When this guy and I stopped talking I felt lonely. I’m being honest. My phone wasn’t blowing up anymore and I was in my feelings for a bit. That was my fault because God never told me to pursue that man. He tries to protect us from getting our little feelings hurt but we jump the gun. Also we have to guard our heart not just towards men that we know aren’t God’s best for our lives but also the people who keep questioning when are we going to settle down and get married? Our timeline is based on God’s timing not the rushed timing of people. The funny thing about people is that they will pressure and rush you into getting married or having babies but when it falls apart or when you need help those same people are MIA. Don’t allow people to guilt you into feeling like you have to get married by a certain time so you can have a gut full of human before your biological clock breaks and your eggs become scrambled. I remember a woman asking me “so Angel how does it feel to be your age and not married or without children?” First let me say I’m only 25, but my response was it feels like I trust God to prepare me for that part of my life when He’s ready. Ladies don’t allow peoples words, facebook posts of their wedding pictures, or anything else cause you to be jealous, covet, or even doubt God’s timing for your life. Guard your heart.

Ladies we can’t afford to settle for any Joe Schmo off the corner. We wait for God to give us our mate in His timing and while we’re waiting we’re not just sitting idol thinking every man that walks through the church doors is our husband (oh and just because a man is a Christian doesn’t mean ya’ll have to be together but that’s a different post). I know we’ve all had that moment where we go is it him? Maybe that one? Could he be my husband? Dear woman, rest. You deserve to be loved, honored, and respected. Know that God has not forgotten about you; He knows the desire you have to call someone husband. Let him choose your mate and not your biological clock or emotions.

Love you ladies,

-Angel


P.S. Don't forget to check out the new Changed Hearts: I AM Woman site that can be accessed through www.changedheartsunited.com!

Dear Woman: Twerk Sumtin:The Role We Play In The Degradation of Women

Dear Woman,

I will start with this disclaimer: this is not going to be a popular post. That’s okay; I’m here to share Jesus not win the popularity contest for the year. Secondly, I created this section just for women so I can be blunt and to the point and really talk to the ladies. Before I start I will put my own business out there. Before I was saved and after I so called got saved and was going to church, I got it in at the club. I’m a very tiny little lady and therefore my motto was the shorter the tighter the dress the better so I could show off what little “assets” I have.  I thought it was “cute” to get attention from men because I was dressed like a hooker pretty much. I was team cut outs, sheer, short, tight, boobs up and out, and all that. Then I would get mad because I’m up in the club and these random guys are trying to feel up on me or grabbing my butt. I would get an attitude about the “cat calls” as I’m walking down the street with my friends freezing cold at 1, 2, 3:00 in the morning dressed scantily clad leaving from the club. I would get upset that men would make vulgar comments to me and felt it was okay to say they wanted to have sex with me.

Let’s be clear, I am not saying that it is ever okay for a man to rape or disrespect a woman because of the way that she is dressed or acting. I’m definitely not saying that at all and I don’t want what I’m going to say to seem as though I think that’s okay because it’s not. However, even with that being said, we as women have to think about the way that we carry ourselves and the image that we are portraying. I remember watching something on TV years ago and someone was complaining about how men are degrading women in music videos as they are in little to no clothing and they’re twerking with all their goods exposed. They talk about how men are degrading these women but the unfortunate reality is that these women are okay with their behavior. They don’t feel like they’re being degraded and they’re perfectly fine showing off what they consider their best assets.  So now other women, especially younger women, look on and see the reaction from men and they think that they have to dress this way or dance this way to be attractive to men. Let’s be honest with ourselves ladies, what type of men are you trying to attract? Is it a man of God? I mean a true man of God, not a man who goes to church on Sundays and that’s the extent of his relationship with God. Now what type of image do you think you are portraying when you’re bent over in front of a man twerking? Women will say they want a true man of God but the way they dress, talk, dance, and act gives off the impression that they’re more interested in a “good time” than having a relationship with God. Then as women we wonder why we keep running into these men who just want to smash instead of pray or go to church with us. If I can be honest ladies, a true man of God is praying against that type of woman. A true man of God who is sincerely trying to pursue a relationship with Christ is not going to yoke himself up with a woman who tempts him with the way she dresses or her behavior. Real talk, that man is rebuking women like that, serious face. Furthermore, I can guarantee you 150% that you will indeed NOT meet a true man of God in the club so don’t get excited because old boy posted up on the wall says he’s a Christian. Christians have no business in anybody’s club point, blank, and the period.

We don’t want men to just want to have sex with us but so many women put all their goods on display or better yet they’re dry humping men on the dance floor. But as women we want men to respect us; we want them to honor our purity…Ladies the respect game has to start with you. You have to care enough about your body first to respect yourself before expecting anyone else to do so. Women of God, we don’t want that kind of attention. We want to attract people with our hearts for Jesus and our inner beauty and meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). You have to set the standard for how people treat you. If you don’t set the standard someone else will come along and define it for you. No ma’am! The Holy Bible is the standard that we set for ourselves not a man made standard.

In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 we’re asked a question, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” What are you doing with the temple that God has given you? The body that the Holy Spirit dwells inside, or should dwell inside, that you have received from God, how are you using it to honor God? Would you twerk in front of God? I know you’re thinking Angel that’s crazy! Are you for real right now? The thing is God is always watching us. We act as though we think that He isn’t because we can’t see Him but that does not mean that He is not watching us. So of course people would say no! I wouldn’t twerk in front of God if I could visibly see Him. He’s always watching. He’s looking down at His women and it breaks His heart to think that they don’t respect the temple that He has given them and that they don’t value themselves enough to honor their bodies. It goes on to say going into verse 20, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (KJV). Ladies, no man has paid that price for you; no one but Jesus. Honoring God with your body is more than just abstaining from sex until you’re married. So people say, “I’m not having sex with these men, I’m just dancing geez!” or “I just want to look cute in my little outfit!”  First Thessalonians 5:22 tells us to “abstain from all appearance of evil” (KJV). How can we effectively share Christ if we don’t reflect Christ but we look exactly like the world? Just because you aren’t doing it it’s like it doesn’t even matter because from the outside looking in you look like the world. if people can’t tell that you are following Christ based off of your lifestyle something’s not right. As women of God we’re called to dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9) not flaunt all of our curves because God gave us a little body ody. Dear woman, you are worth being respected. Your value and your worth is found in Christ and not how big your butt looks in your dress, how well you can dance, or anything else. It’s in Christ. Let’s honor Him with our bodies in all that we do and be intentional about giving Him our entire hearts.

Love you ladies,

-Angel

P.S. Don't forget to check out the new Changed Hearts: I AM Woman site that can be accessed through www.changedheartsunited.com!

Introducing "Dear Woman" Posts!

So what’s this whole Dear Woman business all about? Well I’m so glad you asked! Dear Woman is an advice column for Changed Hearts: I AM Woman that can be found at www.changedheartsunited.com. The Changed Hearts: I AM Woman portion is currently a member’s only site and will remain that way because I want to be able to have a private section just for women to be able to share things in a safe place and also be able to send out inspirational emails to those who are members. I also however wanted to share the messages that are being posted there on this blog for people who may be unaware of the site but come across my blog that is open to the public as I would like to bless and encourage as many people as possible. With that being said, the Dear Woman column WILL still be on Changed Hearts: I AM Woman and it will continue to be a members only page so that way women can utilize the comments area where we can discuss things just as women privately! Lastly, I am not the only one that contributes to the Dear Woman section so I will note the different writers and list all Dear Woman posts as just that!

God bless!

Angel xoxo

But They're A Christian...

So they’re a Christian, a really nice person, they dress nice, smell good, they show interest in you but one problem…you’re just not interested. So what do you do? Let me tell you what you don’t do and that is settle! We have a tendency as Christians to believe that there is a shortage of good Christian men/women and if we find just one that shows us interest then we should probably go with it because it’s “hard” to find people really on fire for God like you, right? WRONG! God knows exactly who He has pre-ordained you to be with and you don’t have to go finding them okay. Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our heart, therefore our focus should be on God and not our desires. But furthermore, we must trust God to get it right! He knows what’s best and He definitely does not need our help in picking the one that we want. We’ll mess around and try and “help” God to find our future boo and end up with booboo the fool. I digress, back to the topic at hand.

 God ordained relationships/friendships they just work if that makes sense. You don’t have to make yourself like the person simply because they are a Christian and you will have peace about it. There was a point where any man that was a Christian I wondered hmh could that be my husband? I really wasn’t interested in any of them but I figured they’re a Christian so if he pursues me that must make him “the one” right? Feel free to high five me…in my face…with a chair. I believe the reason people settle for the they’re a “good Christian,” comes from the fear of possibly not finding “the one” so now when any “one” gives you play, you think hey might as well go for it. I know this may sound crazy, but stop settling for what appears to be a “good man or woman” when you know they are not who God called you to be with. Just because they are a great person that does not mean they are God’s best for YOU. So yes, it is settling when you choose that "good Christian" when God gave you the no go on that person. No matter how good they are, simply put they still are not the one for you and guess what? That's okay.

So now you've decided you're not going to settle but how do you decline a good Christian man/woman that you are not interested in? Be respectful. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you’re interested in them and it can also be really embarrassing when declined. You can say you know I appreciate the interest or the compliment but I’m really focused on my relationship with God right now and I don’t want anything to distract me from that. I have told people that I am on a self love journey and nothing personal, but I’m taking the time to learn who I am in Christ and as an individual before adding anyone else into the mix. Be honest and up front with people and make it clear from the get go that you are not interested in pursuing anything beyond a brother/sister in Christ type of relationship. You can say this without saying “uhm God did not tell me that you are my husband or my wife so deuces be easy!” Don’t be rude; it doesn’t reflect Christ likeness and it's unattractive…just saying.

Now some people are quite persistent and can’t take a hint or you being up front…Before I go into this I want to be clear; you have to make sure that you are not leading people on that you are not interested in! So many of us avoid conflict and uncomfortable conversations so instead of saying thanks but no thanks we say let me pray about it or let me think about it. No! Shut it down from the beginning and don’t dangle people along simply because you like the attention. We are not thirsty for the attention of people but we’re thirsty for God. Now on to the persistent man or woman that thinks you’re playing hard to get for some reason, you have to lay it on the table and make it plain. Still, you DO NOT have to be rude or disrespectful in doing this. 

I’ll be honest, there have been people that I have wanted to tell to go back into their prayer closet because God has made it very clear to me that they are not my Adam and I know He did not tell them that I was their Eve but they don’t quite seem to get that memo. Sometimes you have to plainly put it, I’m not sure what impression you’re getting but I’m not interested and I want to make that clear so that you’re not led on to believe that I am. I don't play games, it's real...just as real as a restraining order...okay maybe you can leave that part out. Also be mindful of a person’s motives because some people will try to “getcha” when you decline their advances by trying to spend time with you or talk to you more by asking for your phone number to get “spiritual guidance” or advice or inviting you to “church” things to spend time with you and not to grow in God. Pray for them because they are clearly not being led by the Holy Spirit but also shut it down. One of the best ways to shut this down is directing them to a person of the same sex for guidance/advice. Allow the Holy Spirit to show you their motives and whether or not they’re intentions are genuine or not and how to proceed with them. 
 

We have to remember that our spouse is created to be our help meet so not just any person can step into that role. Just because a person is a Christian that does not mean they have to be your Christian! Don’t let people give you the line of “well I’m saved and you’re saved and we both love Jesus.” And? That makes us brother and sister in Christ, the end. Last but not least, don’t allow other people to tell you that the Lord “told” them that you are going to be their son or daughter in law. If the Lord did not tell you that it’s pretty safe to say that’s not confirmed and that's a prophelie and not a prophecy. Sometimes you have to sing a little hymn to yourself entitled “The devil is a lie, all the lies you tell.” Guard your hearts folks and keep your eyes focused on God and He will make it clear to you when you need to look over to acknowledge your spouse. 

Learning to Deal With People

I can’t speak for everyone, but I believe it’s pretty safe to say that I’m speaking for the majority when I say that one of the most difficult things in life is learning to deal with people. We encounter a number of different types of people whether it may be at work, school, or even in ministry and often times the people that we meet have completely different ways of handling things than we do and in the nicest way to put it are just difficult. There is always a purpose behind the people that God allows in our lives and as much as we wish some of them would go away :) there’s more than likely a lesson that we can learn from the situations we face in dealing with people. I can honestly say in the last month, I feel like I have been being attacked in this area on a pretty regular basis so I figured instead of complaining about it and praying that I will stop being attacked, I needed to look at what God is trying to show me and how He’s trying to help me to grow in this season. This list is in no particular order and FYI some is biblical and some are my opinions based off of experience. 

  

  1.        You have to set boundaries for yourself!!! We have a tendency, especially with ministry stuff, to want to help everyone and we extend ourselves beyond what God has asked of us and now, in the words of my pastor, we’re burned out, busted, and disgusted. I’m going to hope that this is a given but it needs to be said anyways… are you ready? YOU ARE NOT GOD! Stop trying to be superman/woman and trying to be everything to everybody! FYI I’m preaching to myself right now, ya’ll just happen to be tuned in reading this…I struggle with wanting to help everybody and they’re momma and because of that it leaves me drained, irritable, and lacking where I don’t have to be because God never told me to do it. It is okay to say no and I want to be very clear in what I’m about to say so that it is not taken out of context…yes you should pray, yes it is a necessity in the believer’s life but you really don’t have to take the time to pray about everything. Now before you pull my Christian card, let me explain…what I mean by this is God will give you a clear NO about certain things. Yes sometimes you do need to go and take time for the Holy Spirit to guide you on it, but oftentimes God answers with a loud and clear NO and we say you know, well let me pray

about it. God gave you the answer you just didn’t like it so you ignored it, call it what it is. That’s a different topic but nonetheless, people will take as much as you are willing to give so you have to learn how to guard yourself so that you don’t become drained. You cannot effectively help anyone if you are weak and your foundation is shaky because you are constantly pouring out but not being replenished. In ministry we can have a tendency to want to be everyone’s support system, prayer warrior, accountability partner, and encourager and we just want to help everybody. Here’s the reality, you can’t. You will be burned out and completely drained. Also stop giving everybody and their momma your number. It’s okay for you have your personal stuff that only people who are the closest to you can reach you on. Don’t feel bad for saying that you don’t give out your personal number or email. THAT’S OKAY! Stop letting people guilt you into doing things that God never told you to do. Set boundaries, guard your heart.

2.       Don’t hold on to who hurt you: I know that’s so much easier said than done but when that root is planted it can be difficult to let go of. There was a situation that happened this past week that I felt as though someone who I wouldn’t say we were besties but I had a decent relationship with, I felt as though she completely threw me under the bus. So I’m venting to my best friend about it and she said well maybe this is an opportunity to be like Jesus and love in spite of what people do to you. I’ll be honest….my response was “I’m not trying to be Jesus!” and I jokingly laughed it off. Yes I was in my feelings, yes I was wrong, don’t condemn me to hell, pray for me folks. I know I shouldn't have jokingly said that but it serves a point so bare with me. Later on that day, I have my quiet time and I’m praying about the situation and God nicely reminded me of that comment that I “jokingly” made and said that’s the problem; you aren’t trying to reflect Christ likeness.  As Jesus is hanging on the cross and people are standing below Him sneering and mocking Him, He says to God, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NIV). Jesus had every right to be upset, fuss, yell, tell them off, but instead He asked God to forgive them. Yes people will hurt you, sometimes intentionally other times maybe not, but you can’t afford to allow those seeds of anger, betrayal, or bitterness to be planted and hinder you from showing Christ likeness.  People will try to get you to act out of character especially when you carry the title of “Christian” so when you act like a fool they can look you up and down and say “but you’re supposed to be a Christian.” I think sometimes people believe that because we are Christians that we HAVE to put up with any and everything or that we can’t be upset. I beg to differ; God did not create us to be weak, door mats, or people’s verbal punching bags. Furthermore, His word tells us to be angry but sin not (Ephesians 4:26). It’s okay to be angry but it’s how we respond that makes the difference between us and those who don’t belong to Christ. The longer you hold onto whatever or whoever hurt you the more way you give for sin to begin to take root in unforgiveness. You can’t afford that. Let go of who hurt you.

a.      BONUS: Don’t take it personal: Most people who do things or say things to hurt you, it really has absolutely nothing to do with you. Does that it make it okay? No, but if you can learn not to take it personal you’ve already won half the battle. Pray for the people who've hurt you and ask God to change your heart towards them and also to change their hearts. The more you magnify the problem the more you will be focused on what is wrong. Choose to magnify the desire to want to see Gods best in their life instead and God will begin to pull off the layers of hurt in you.

3. 

      Forgive quickly:  Matthew 6:15 tells us that if we don’t forgive others for their sins than God won’t forgive us. It’s so easy to want to justify our unforgiveness by saying well so and so hurt me, or they’ve done the unthinkable to me and I could never forgive them. Imagine if God responded to us in that way when we sin against Him. I think sometimes we have the misconception that forgiving a person means that we still have to be buddy buddy with them and hold hands together and walk through the park. Uhm no, I whole heartedly believe that you can forgive a person and go your separate ways. Everyone is not meant to be in your life and sometimes forgiveness also comes with cutting ties and that’s perfectly okay but you have to forgive. It’s also not just about forgiving but learning to forgive quickly. Unforgiveness hurts you, not them. Remember that. Learn to accept an apology you never got and may never get.

4.       Try the spirit by the spirit: So jacked up Jackie showed you that her true color was doo doo brown yet you kept trying to make it pretty and perfect pink. Now you got burned and you “never saw it coming.” Lies. Jackie showed you she was up to no good but you refused to see it. That's not Jackie's fault, that's on you honey. God will not blind side you with people, but you have to learn how to allow the Holy Spirit to give you the insider details on a person. The Holy Spirit will check you on people but you have to pay attention! We have a tendency to see what we want to see in people especially if it’s someone that we want to be in a relationship with or befriend. God’s trying to keep you from some mess, but you keep trying to make things work with relationships that are messing you up because you had no business being yoked up with that person. Pay attention to the signs about people that God shows you. Believe it or not, He really does know who is best for you and who can bring out the best in you and also who will bring out the worst. When people show you their true colors stop acting like you’re color blind and don’t see it! What’s a red flag today will likely still be a red flag 5-10 years from now. Pay attention.

5.   

    You can’t carry other peoples burdens/don’t be an enabler: I get it, you want to help right? You want people to feel connected to you. You want to encourage people and hold their hand through the struggle/the process.  Trust me I get it. Here’s the thing, people have a tendency to constantly dump their stuff on you not even intentionally sometimes but because they see or think that you’re strong in your faith so they believe you can get a prayer through. They keep dumping their problems on you and you keep receiving it and now it’s weighing you down. Instead of them seeking God, they’re seeking you to help them. They run to you, not God, when they need relief or an encouraging word. They don’t open their bible they turn to their phone or email to reach you. Now you’re over here feeling empty because you’re all poured out yet no one is pouring into you. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in my walk with Christ is that I cannot be effective in sharing Christ with people if I’m burned out, empty, and all over the place.  You have to realize that if your own burden is not for you to carry, why do you think God wants you to carry someone else’s? You have to learn to pray for others but also point each other to Christ and the word so that people do not become dependent on you and before you know it now you’re a “god” to this person. Yup you’re they’re idol and no human being can replace God point blank and the period the end.

This is not everything but just a bit of what God placed on my heart. We will always have to deal with people; it just is what it is. Allow God to give you guidance and direction because He knows how to deal with each and every one of us. Be encouraged!

The Devil Ain't Always Busy, Sometimes You're the Problem

If I can be real honest, God read me all up and down before lunchtime today! I believe transparency is extremely important in your walk with Christ because you can bless others by talking about how God is continuing to work in you. I always say that the things that we go through are never just for us but to bless someone else from our lesson as well. 

 The devil ain’t always busy and up to something. Sometimes YOU are just busy ignoring God.

As I’m driving to work this morning, God kept putting the words from my best friend’s prayer last night in my mind, “keep your eyes fixed on God.” Focus, FOcus, FOCus, FOCUs, FOCUS! That’s literally how I felt the words were showing up in my mind. God was showing me that He needs me to be focused not for myself but so that I can effectively help others. To break it down in the message version, Angel I don’t have time to play with you! I need you focused now period and the end. Got a problem with that? Good, didn’t think so. Yes, all up in my face before 8 am! 

Long story short, God placed something on my heart about a week ago that is requiring me to delegate responsibility and involve people in various ways for the vision. This is something that is difficult for me to do because I find it difficult to find dependable people to delegate to then I also get concerned about having to put out fires, and correcting things that are said that don’t line up with the word of God by someone that is linked to me, etc. So God has been showing me various things regarding this vision and I have had multiple conversations with people who I consider wise council that have stated the necessity of delegating and that pretty much I can’t be superwoman and do everything on my own. As I’m sitting at work this morning, I start thinking again about different people/things that God has shown me and I’m questioning every detail about it. Can they do this? What are their intentions? What if this happens or that happens? What if they don’t do it? How will it work? As I’m thinking about all of this I had already said “I’m not sure about this” to various things/people that God was showing me regarding certain things all week. In the midst of all this I see myself walking and closing doors. These are all doors that are open remind you, and I’m going through and closing each of them. Then God shows me that’s what you’re doing with the doors I’m trying to open for you…Completely messed me all kinds of up! He showed me that I’m so caught up in what I think is best, what I think I know, what I think is right that I’m hindering my own blessings because He’s opening doors to reach more people and to network and my busy body self is coming right behind Him slamming them shut. God’s screaming ANGEL!!! Take your hands off of everything, step back from it, and let ME take the lead! Rest, please and thanks!! God has to deal with me like that because I get so busy being busy doing absolutely nothing but running in circles that He just has to gut punch me every once in awhile. That’s how we roll.

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to, “trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct thy paths” (KJV). The funny thing is we incorrectly paraphrase scriptures with our lives and don’t even realize it. Well what in the world does that mean? We quote the scriptures and we verbalize them to people but the way we live it is different from what we say or what the actual context is. So we quote Proverbs 3:5-6 as one of our favorite scriptures but we live it as though it says, “trust in the Lord with the parts of your heart that make sense or satisfy how you feel at any given moment; and lean not on your own understanding unless God is taking too long or doesn’t give you the answer that you want than go on ahead and shoulder lean on it (HFV aka Human in Feelings Version, don’t buy that version FYI).

            Day in and day out we continue to lean unto our own understanding when God desires to lead us and guide us but we just swear up and down that we know best. He can’t take control if we won’t give up our own control. Do you not realize that He created you for the very thing that He has given to you and wants to teach you how to hone your gifts and visions and develop them so that you can be effective in helping others to know Him! Psalm 32:8 reminds us of this, “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with Mine eye” (KJV). We have the best coach ever yet we ignore Him…the Holy Spirit is given to us to guide us so if we choose not to follow it or even question it’s leading are we not saying that we don’t trust the Holy Spirit? Sometimes you have to really break things down and look at it like okay, by me not doing this or that what am I really saying to God? 

           

            We’re so quick to say the devil is busy blocking our blessings! The devil sho is up to something, got me stressed out, this that and the forth. Uhm no, sometimes it’s YOU honey. Sometimes you are the problem, closing doors on your own blessings, and keeping God from using you to your full potential. My pastor always says the devil is our enemy but sometimes our other greatest enemy is our own selves. We hinder the spirit of God in our own lives and we blame it on the devil and he looking back laughing at you with his little fallen angel’s geeking it up watching you self destruct. Stop feeding the nonsense. We don’t have time to sit around and fight God on the things that He is trying to do through us and in us. We’re on the same team! Why are you trying to go back and forth with God on the things that He is trying to bless you with and also bless someone else in the process? Rest, He’s got this. Whatever it is that you’re so busy doing right now, stop. Take your hands off of it and just stop. Stop and go before the Lord in prayer and say God above all else, Your will be done. If it’s not in God’s will it’s going to fall apart and it’s going to stress you out in the process. When God ordains it, it just works. Stop questions the when, the how, and what’s. You have to let Him take the lead because believe it or not you really are not capable of leading yourself. So many of us are getting our ballroom dancing on in this world trying to lead and follow at the same time while God is sitting in the audience like you don’t even realize I’ve stepped off the dance floor. You have to let Him take the lead and you have to sit down and follow period.

            If you read this all the way to the end I’m sure you’re thinking uhm excuse me Angel but did you forget that you told on yourself in the beginning??? Hypocrite much! Trust me when I say the message hits the messenger first. What I share is because God convicted me to change and my prayer is that in sharing the lesson I learned that it will convict someone else to change as well.

  

“A man’s heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps” (Proverbs 16:9, KJV).