Dear Woman: Grown Woman Talk

Dear Woman,

God placed it on my heart to do a VLOG on how people say you’ve changed once you give your life to Him (which will be up later) and He reminded me of a particular time in my life where I was a very new Christian yet still figuring things out. I initially did not want to share this but I believe that God has a purpose for it and I believe it’s a topic that hits home for us women. With that being said, I want to have a real grown folks conversation with my ladies.

When I first got saved there were quite a few things that I was still riding the fence on and one of those things was fornication. I had an on again off again boyfriend at the time who I was continuing to have sex with even while I was still attending church and developing a relationship with God. The interesting thing was that although I was learning about God and knew about no sex before marriage I didn’t think that applied as long as I was in a “committed” relationship. Long story short, I had convinced myself that I had to stay with this person simply because he was the one that I had lost my virginity to. The relationship was very rocky yet we kept trying to make it work not because we really wanted to stay together but because it was easier to stick with what we knew and were comfortable with versus starting over. The reality was we were both changing into two very different people and it was not God’s will for us to be together. Due to this, every time we tried to make it work it didn’t and it just kept getting worst until it fell apart.

I say all that to say, as women we have a tendency to want to stay in relationships that we know are no good for us that we are hurting in, and that are dysfunctional and unhealthy because we feel like we have a tie to that guy. That tie can be that he was the one you lost your virginity to, or he’s your child’s father, or ex-husband and so you just keep trying to make it work even though you’re unhappy, they’re unfaithful, or don’t treat you in the way that you deserve. The truth is the real tie that you have with this man is a soul tie and God can’t release you from that until you let go of that person that keeps leading you to a dead end. I know that we can feel like we have to stay because we have so much history with a person but that history is not always equivalent to them having a place in your future.

“A good woman is hard to find and worth far more than diamonds…” (Proverbs 31:10)

Going along with real grown folks talk…can I be honest? The irony in my struggle of wanting to stay with my then boyfriend was that I also had this worry of only having sex with one person and having this curiosity of wondering if that would be as good as it gets. I wondered how would I know that I was having “good sex” if I didn’t have anything to compare it to? Then I feared would I be tempted to have an affair if I married my then boyfriend because I was curious about being able to compare it. I’m aware that’s a pretty blunt and out there statement but I feel confident that I was not alone in the way I used to think but nobody really wants to talk about it. Here’s the thing, there is nothing wrong with sex; God created it to be a good thing BUT in season and that season is between husband and wife in marriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-6). I was watching this video through chaseGodtv on YouTube (I’ll post the link later if I can remember which video it was) and the guy was saying how there is no such thing as bad sex because God created sex to be good (once again between a husband and wife) so there’s no need to focus on comparing it. I believe a lot of people have this fear of abstaining from sex until their wedding day only to find out on the honeymoon that they’re not sexually attracted or compatible with their partner. I don’t believe that to be true; yes, you’re able to have sex once you’re married and that will be an important part of your marriage but it’s not the only part. You have to get off your back at some point…just saying. Plus, in your marriage you will learn each other and can teach each other new things if you know what I mean. Bottom line, when you honor God, He will honor you. Will everything be perfect? No but God will take care of all of the details so stop stressing.

Love you ladies,

Angel