Thursday, May 16, 2013

Why am I single?

            “Why are you single? When are you going to get married? Everybody else is getting married or got a gut full of human when is that going to be you?” It appears that you hit a certain age where people feel the need to ask you these questions or maybe you even start to ask yourself these questions. I believe that every season that you go through develops you for the next. The single season prepares you for the married season and most importantly it gives you the time to learn yourself as an individual and who God created you to be before adding someone else into the mix. Let’s be clear first and foremost that the single season is not equivalent to being lonely! Embrace singleness; it is one of the few times where you have all the time to focus on you, learn you, and learn God. Develop an intimate and personal relationship with Him during this time so that you don’t have to struggle even more trying to figure out how to balance God with work, a mate, and kids.  

            I’ll be the first to say I did not wake up one day and decide that I was content in being single and was okay in trusting in God’s timing to send me my spouse. I had made plans for my life that by the age of 25 I was going to already be married and have at least one child. On May 3, 2013 I turned 25, single and childless and completely okay with that! For the longest I was on this kick of I wants (yes wants) me a man! I want a husband. Every relationship I would get into I would start planning my (not our but my) wedding in my head and even going as far to think of what our kids would look like. Yes I was that girl smh. The thing was I was saved, loving God, serving Him and in relationships with men who I knew were not God’s best for my life. I was constantly wondering, God when is it going to be my turn? When am I going to get married??? I want to get married too don’t You know that?? I was reminded one day when God asked me, Angel why do you want a husbandYour spouse is your help meet. What do you need help with you aren’t doing anything girl! I could not help but laugh because it was true! I wanted a husband because everyone else was doing it and that was the only reason. Oh that’s not true…I also wanted to show off having a flashy ring, a wedding dress, and update my facebook status. My priorities were more jacked up than a bad pedicure.
            The bottom line is we have to want God more than we want the things He can give usI had made an idol out of wanting a husband and a family because I wanted it more than I wanted Him. If I would’ve gotten it I still wouldn't have been content because all I would be doing is filling a void that only He could fill. Or once I got what I wanted I would’ve convinced myself that I no longer needed God (lies). This single time is one of the few times that I will be able to just sit at Jesus’ feet for hours if I want to. This is the time to experience life, get up and go when I want to, discover more about me, and just live. I had to learn to not hate the process! I can never say that enough. Don’t fight the process but instead go along with it and allow God to develop you in each season. He wants to have a close and personal relationship with each of us and let’s be real we make that difficult when we are constantly trying to fill His spot with people and things.

So these are just a few reasons why I’ve learned to embrace my singleness:

1. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22, KJV).  I want to submit to my one day husband as he submits to Christ. I cannot submit to a man that is not submitted to Christ point, blank, and the period. This man will be responsible for me, my household, and for leading our children to God. I can’t afford to have just any old Joe Schmo to take on that title. I no longer want to settle just to be married but instead I want to do marriage God’s way. Furthermore, how do I expect to submit to my husband if I’m not first submitted to Christ??? My single years are the time to practice submission by submitting to Christ and to learn Him so that He can develop me and guide me in submitting to my one day husband.

2. Courting vs. dating:  I don’t need to date a million and one jokers to find “the one.” He’s already been hand picked by God and I don’t have to date around and test drive potential spouses. I know what God’s standard is for my life and I don’t need to go through a bunch of random men to try and find the one when God will identify me to him. The world says you have to date around to determine what type of person you like. Not so; the more you seek God the more your desires will be for the things that please Him. For the longest time I was attracted to men who were the complete opposite of me, had no vision, and no relationship with God. Even when I first became saved I remember thinking I want a man who goes to church (not knows God but simply goes to church) but one who isn’t too “churchy.” Needless to say the Lord has really changed my heart to desire character traits of a man that honors Him and not my flesh.

3. I have a purpose: Just because a person is a Christian that does not automatically mean it is a match made in heaven. Being unequally yoked does not simply just apply to a non-believer and a believer being together. Both people can be Christians and not be equally yoked. Well how is that possible? So God’s called you to be a pastor and establish a church and He’s called the good looking Christian brother to evangelize and travel the world. The purposes don’t match. Yes they’re both good Christian people and doing God’s work but their purposes conflict. God is revealing to me what He created me for and I need to be able to know that my purpose and my spouse’s purpose line up with one another. Does this mean that we should have the exact same purpose? Absolutely not, but they should be compatible to the extent that we can help one another to grow and develop the vision that God has given to the both of us.

4. I trust God’s timing: As I was questioning God about my purpose not too long ago I got this overwhelming peace. This peace came from the simple reminder of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). I was reminded that I don’t have to know every detail of my life, what’s going to happen next, or when it’s going to happen. I remember telling God, " I trust the plan You have for my life because I know that it is great and I know that Your plan is only what is good for me and not to hurt me. It doesn’t matter when You reveal it to me because I know that You have a plan and a purpose for my life and that it is great." It goes the same for being single. I trust that God will bring me my spouse in His timing, not in my deadline. I’m okay in trusting in that timing because I know that what God brings me will be good for me. I want to have only one marriage and I’d rather wait for God to send me His best for my life instead of settling for the worst just so I can show off that I got a ring.

This is not everything but just a few reasons of what led me to this point. God has not forgotten about you. He knows what your desires are and He desires to fulfill them. Instead of seeking after a mate, seek after Him and allow Him to present you with His best. When I was struggling with wanting to be married, everywhere I looked somebody was changing their status to engaged or posting wedding pictures and I felt like God didn’t realize or didn’t care that I wanted that too. I still see it all the time but I know that I can’t compare what God is doing in me with other people’s lives. Guard your heart. Don’t allow your emotions to convince you that God has forgotten about you. Be content with your portion and where God has you in this moment. Embrace your single season! Hope this encourages someone.