One of the topics that consume Christians is the season of singleness and wondering God when is it going to be my turn? Personally, I can appreciate people who are married giving their two cents on the single season because at some point they were there….here comes the big ole but….BUT sometimes you don’t want to hear it from someone who is happily married. Will I be one of those married women giving advice to singles and telling them to enjoy their single season? I can almost guarantee that I will be that annoying married woman that you love but also kinda want to tell to shhhh when they start going off on a tangent on how you need to embrace your singleness when they are happily married. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t want to discard the wisdom that you can receive there but sometimes you just want to hear it from someone who is in the same position as you…single. So let’s chat Let’s have a heart to heart right quick about singleness.
There are a couple of things that people have to get regarding singleness:
1. A spouse is NOT a reward for living for God. Salvation through Jesus Christ is. Your soul not burning in eternal damnation is your reward for serving God and quite frankly that is more than enough if God does absolutely nothing else! I get it, we see all these lovely couples that did marriage God’s way and you think gosh I can’t wait to do life with my husband/wife and share Christ together. So now you think that if you get serious about following Christ then that will speed up the process of you meeting your spouse so you two can be a beautiful example of a God ordained marriage, right? Isn’t it funny how we can twist our selfish desires so that we can justify them? What if God tells you that He created you to be single forever and wants you to be like the Apostle Paul, then what? Are you done following Christ because God didn’t give you what you wanted? If so, you never had a real relationship with Him. We don’t serve God to trick Him into blessing us or so that we can bargain with him to get a mate! We serve God because of who He is and because it is our reasonable service and the least that we can do to thank Him for giving us Jesus to die in our place.
2. Single DOES NOT mean available or lonely. Just because you are single that does not mean you are sitting around looking to be pursued or that you are lonely! I can never shout this from the rooftops enough!!!! There will be so many randoms (both men and women) that see that you’re single and they will boldly come after you trying to take you off the market when you are perfectly fine being single. They come out of the woodwork and all you can think is God will you please hide me in your secret place?!?! What people miss is that just because you have a desire to be married that does not mean that your time to be married is right now! There are a lot of singles who have no desire in being pursued/pursuing right now but that also want to be married at some point. A lot of people are focused on Christ, they want to finish allowing God to work on them as an individual, and they’re working on becoming a better man or woman not just specifically to be someone’s spouse but to be used by God. They will be single until God shows them it’s time to acknowledge their spouse and they’re completely okay with that.
Men ya’ll next; stop assuming that every single woman wants to be pursued!!! Stop trying to holla at every single, saved, attractive Christian woman! Yes it is your role to pursue but if you’re pursuing any and everything that calls itself a Christian it shows that you are not God led and it also makes you look mad shady and suspect as you jump from woman to woman. It can be frustrating at times as a single Christian to be pursued by people when you are just trying to be focused on Christ and not be distracted. Be God led and influenced by purpose in all of your dealings with people! You never know how people have struggled with getting to that place of being content in Christ alone so do not be a distraction to them. If God does not show you that they are anything more than your brother or sister in Christ treat them as such and leave them alone!
3. God knows when you’re ready/“in need” of a spouse. The problem with singles is that we can have a tendency to feel like we need a helpmeet way before our time because we try to fill a void with a love that only God can fill. So we go out to find our suitable helper instead of allowing God to create/develop them for us and we end up with a suitable hinderer instead. This person hinders you from growing in Christ instead of helping you because they were never God’s best for your life but you just had to have you a man or woman so bad. Singles, REST!!!!!! I can never say this enough! Seriously, rest…please…go take a nap…no seriously! God knows when you need it and who you need. Stop trying to make it happen in your timing. God has not only chosen your wedding date but he’s also chosen your spouse already so calm your nerves! He will provide you with all of this when He knows you’re ready for it.
When we look at the creation of man and woman in Genesis it clearly states that it was God who acknowledged that Adam was in need of a suitable helper. I don’t know what Adam had going on in that garden but God saw that he needed a suitable helpmeet which He provided when He saw the need. Once again, it was God, not Adam. Adam was not sulking, coveting, or begging God for a wife and it’s safe to say that he had not acknowledged himself that he was lacking anything by not having a spouse. I know what you’re thinking, go ahead and say it. Well Angel, how could Adam feel like he was lacking something that didn’t yet exist? Besides the animals, he was the only human being in the garden, however, for us there are tons of other human beings that make it evident to us that we’re “missing something” by not having a significant other. Here’s the thing, even before Eve was created, Adam was not in the garden by himself; it was him and God. During this time Adam did not feel like he was missing out on anything because God was enough. You see Adam’s thoughts were not consumed about wanting a wife or even wanting help because he had God and that was enough for him.
The point of this is that until you realize that God is enough, you will continue to be consumed in your singleness of feeling like you’re lacking something and you’ll completely miss the beautiful moment of fellowshipping with God when it’s just you and Him. You have to stay focused and learn how to enjoy being in the presence of God and learn how to enjoy Him without having anyone to distract you. Let’s be real, when Eve came into the picture Adam got distracted and it led to him disobeying God. Yes your spouse will be a blessing and should not distract you from God (when you allow Him to pick your spouse) but marriage does change your relationship with God as you now have to balance your time tending to your family and working on your relationship with Him. Apostle Paul even said that it's better for people to remain single because when you're married your focus is divided and you no longer have as much time to devote to The Lord (1 Corinthians 7: 32-35).The real truth is that no matter how great of a man or woman of God you marry they’re still human and even with best intentions can still make mistakes and get you distracted sometimes.
With all of this being said, God placed it on my heart to do a short series on singleness for the month of April. Each week I will either do a blog or a video on the following four areas (not necessarily in this order):
I. The Content Single- Dealing with learning to be genuinely content during the single season.
II. The Guarded Single- Dealing with the “I don’t need anybody” attitude and not allowing people in.
III. The Attention Seeking Single- Dealing with the desire of wanting to be pursued or wanting attention of a man or a woman.
IV. The Interested Single- Dealing with when you meet someone that you’re actually interested in and you want to pursue them or want to be pursued by them. (This will be similar to the video that I did called “the pursuit” that can be found on my youtube page)
- Don’t forget to check out the Changed Hearts website: www.changedheartsunited.com
- Changed Hearts and Changed Hearts: I AM Woman are having a free online event! Be sure to register so that you can be entered for the giveaways!
- Register for Changed Hearts Matters of the Heart here!
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- You can find all of the monthly teachings, vlogs, Changed Hearts: Real Talk, and Q&A’s on my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/user/AngelWalston