Monday, December 16, 2013

But They're A Christian...

So they’re a Christian, a really nice person, they dress nice, smell good, they show interest in you but one problem…you’re just not interested. So what do you do? Let me tell you what you don’t do and that is settle! We have a tendency as Christians to believe that there is a shortage of good Christian men/women and if we find just one that shows us interest then we should probably go with it because it’s “hard” to find people really on fire for God like you, right? WRONG! God knows exactly who He has pre-ordained you to be with and you don’t have to go finding them okay. Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our heart, therefore our focus should be on God and not our desires. But furthermore, we must trust God to get it right! He knows what’s best and He definitely does not need our help in picking the one that we want. We’ll mess around and try and “help” God to find our future boo and end up with booboo the fool. I digress, back to the topic at hand.

 God ordained relationships/friendships they just work if that makes sense. You don’t have to make yourself like the person simply because they are a Christian and you will have peace about it. There was a point where any man that was a Christian I wondered hmh could that be my husband? I really wasn’t interested in any of them but I figured they’re a Christian so if he pursues me that must make him “the one” right? Feel free to high five me…in my face…with a chair. I believe the reason people settle for the they’re a “good Christian,” comes from the fear of possibly not finding “the one” so now when any “one” gives you play, you think hey might as well go for it. I know this may sound crazy, but stop settling for what appears to be a “good man or woman” when you know they are not who God called you to be with. Just because they are a great person that does not mean they are God’s best for YOU. So yes, it is settling when you choose that "good Christian" when God gave you the no go on that person. No matter how good they are, simply put they still are not the one for you and guess what? That's okay.

So now you've decided you're not going to settle but how do you decline a good Christian man/woman that you are not interested in? Be respectful. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you’re interested in them and it can also be really embarrassing when declined. You can say you know I appreciate the interest or the compliment but I’m really focused on my relationship with God right now and I don’t want anything to distract me from that. I have told people that I am on a self love journey and nothing personal, but I’m taking the time to learn who I am in Christ and as an individual before adding anyone else into the mix. Be honest and up front with people and make it clear from the get go that you are not interested in pursuing anything beyond a brother/sister in Christ type of relationship. You can say this without saying “uhm God did not tell me that you are my husband or my wife so deuces be easy!” Don’t be rude; it doesn’t reflect Christ likeness and it's unattractive…just saying.

Now some people are quite persistent and can’t take a hint or you being up front…Before I go into this I want to be clear; you have to make sure that you are not leading people on that you are not interested in! So many of us avoid conflict and uncomfortable conversations so instead of saying thanks but no thanks we say let me pray about it or let me think about it. No! Shut it down from the beginning and don’t dangle people along simply because you like the attention. We are not thirsty for the attention of people but we’re thirsty for God. Now on to the persistent man or woman that thinks you’re playing hard to get for some reason, you have to lay it on the table and make it plain. Still, you DO NOT have to be rude or disrespectful in doing this. 

I’ll be honest, there have been people that I have wanted to tell to go back into their prayer closet because God has made it very clear to me that they are not my Adam and I know He did not tell them that I was their Eve but they don’t quite seem to get that memo. Sometimes you have to plainly put it, I’m not sure what impression you’re getting but I’m not interested and I want to make that clear so that you’re not led on to believe that I am. I don't play games, it's real...just as real as a restraining order...okay maybe you can leave that part out. Also be mindful of a person’s motives because some people will try to “getcha” when you decline their advances by trying to spend time with you or talk to you more by asking for your phone number to get “spiritual guidance” or advice or inviting you to “church” things to spend time with you and not to grow in God. Pray for them because they are clearly not being led by the Holy Spirit but also shut it down. One of the best ways to shut this down is directing them to a person of the same sex for guidance/advice. Allow the Holy Spirit to show you their motives and whether or not they’re intentions are genuine or not and how to proceed with them. 
We have to remember that our spouse is created to be our help meet so not just any person can step into that role. Just because a person is a Christian that does not mean they have to be your Christian! Don’t let people give you the line of “well I’m saved and you’re saved and we both love Jesus.” And? That makes us brother and sister in Christ, the end. Last but not least, don’t allow other people to tell you that the Lord “told” them that you are going to be their son or daughter in law. If the Lord did not tell you that it’s pretty safe to say that’s not confirmed and that's a prophelie and not a prophecy. Sometimes you have to sing a little hymn to yourself entitled “The devil is a lie, all the lies you tell.” Guard your hearts folks and keep your eyes focused on God and He will make it clear to you when you need to look over to acknowledge your spouse.