Monday, April 7, 2014

The Attention Seeking Single

Have you ever been in a season where you just felt like man, ain’t nobody giving me any kind of play! Nobody is asking for my number, no one is blowing up my phone other than my bestie or my family, and in the plainest way to put it nobody is trying to holla! Typically two thoughts run through your mind; the first being is something wrong with me? Does my breath stink or am I walking funny or something??? The second thought is what can/should I do differently to get people of the opposite sex to notice me? Pump your brakes single and enjoy the moment where God has you hidden because trust and believe it is for a reason and for your own good!
The reason why I chose these four types of singles to discuss is because I have been all four of those singles at some point and let me just say my attention seeking single days were a hot mess! There was a point that I was feeling myself just a little too much and I was thinking I don’t get how I’m single. I’m cute, I’m in college, I have a good job, I have my stuff together yet nobody is trying to be on! Really though? So what I would do is get dolled up and put myself in positions to be seen by men as if it validated me or something to have a man talk to me. The sad part of it all was that I wanted guys to like me that I wasn’t even attracted to and would never actually date but I just wanted the attention. I would accept dinner dates, talk to them on the phone, and I would even flirt with them just enough so they would keep coming back but also vaguely enough that they didn’t know for sure whether or not I liked them, which I really didn’t. I did however like the attention and the thought of knowing that somebody wanted me while having that I’ve still got it feeling. Can you scream Jezebel honey! That is very manipulative behavior and Proverbs 31 is on the complete opposite side of that spectrum.
Granted I am speaking from a female’s perspective but men can also be attention seeking too so don’t get that twisted! Singles, you have to understand that God has already predestined who you are meant to be with. God took one of Adam’s ribs to create Eve for him specifically. Notice He did not create Eve, Evelyn, Jackie, Ashley, and Miss Thang so why do you feel like you need all of these options? Think about it like this, ladies if God created you for a specific person and men He created a specific person for you, why do you need attention from all these other people? While you’re entertaining these people that you really aren’t interested in, your future is walking pass you thinking that what is supposed to be their seat is already preoccupied by people that you’re just playing around with simply because they’re giving you the attention that you want so bad.
There was a time when I was in undergrad and I was messing around with this guy who had a girlfriend and I was well aware of this from the beginning. Although I knew it was wrong and I knew it wasn’t what I really wanted I entertained it because I liked the attention.  I continued this thing that wasn’t even a relationship of any kind all in the name of attention from a guy that I knew I would never date and who would likely never date me.  I remember being at his apartment one day and things were going a little too far and I knew I didn’t want to sleep with him and things got really awkward and really uncomfortable. I waited for him to go to sleep and I got up and walked home in the middle of the night and that was when I thought what am I doing? I share that story only because you have to understand that when you are being attention seeking, you are dangling some type of bait. The thing about bait is that different bait attracts different kinds of animals. Similarly, the bait you dangle is going to attract a certain type of person and it might not always be the kind that you were going after. Regardless of what your intentions may be, the people who you are dealing with may not perceive it in the same way. You end up in uncomfortable situations, fatal attractions that you end up having to take restraining orders out on fools, being unequally yoked, and so much more all in the name of you wanting some attention! This always sounds drastic….until it happens.
The thing about wanting attention from the opposite sex is that it is way more deeply rooted than just wanting someone to hang out with, talk to, or tell you how great you are. When you find yourself being attention seeking it’s usually because you’re trying to fill a void with a person. There’s usually something going on in your heart where there is an empty space that God so desperately wants to fill but you replace Him with a person. The irony in all this is that as you’re trying to get the attention of other people God is trying to get your attention and He’s pulling on your heart just wanting you to notice Him. The truth is people who are whole in Christ and who truly have the joy of the Lord tend to draw people to them. It has nothing to do with the way they look, how well they dress or speak but it is the God that rests on the inside of them. The real truth is that those people are so busy seeking after God and desiring His attention that they don’t even care about the attention or praise from people.
 When you find yourself wanting attention from others really take the time to ask yourself why you want it. Why do you feel like you need it? What is it that you feel these people can give you that you can’t get from God? We have to be real with ourselves and acknowledge that an attention seeking spirit is not of God. Anytime that we want attention on ourselves it takes the attention off of God. So many people don’t even realize that they’ve made attention an idol in their life because they think since it’s not a tangible object it doesn’t apply. That’s a lie that the enemy wants you to believe. Anything that you seek, crave, and desire more than or in place of God is your idol (Exodus 20:4). I can honestly say that when you get serious about living for God and you’re focused and not trying to date, there is really nothing more frustrating than to have people trying to pursue you especially when you know they’re not God’s best for your life. There have been moments where I have yelled God please hide me in your secret place and away from all the randoms shenanigans! When God has you hidden it is for your own protection so stop trying to expose yourself. The very things that we think we want the most are often the things that we end up begging God to take it away once we get it.

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires (Romans 8:5, NIV).

**Please note Changed Hearts: Matters of the Heart date was changed from April 5, 2014 to April 19, 2014 @ 10:00 a.m.** Changed Hearts: I AM Woman: Woman 2 Woman will still be April 12, 2014 @ 10:00 a.m.!


  1. hhuumm wow! I really needed to hear/read this because I've that type of person for a while but there's a better way, a higher life in Christ. I decided to get rid of any distraction and focus on Christ for real with everything, my strength, my emotions...
    The Spirit of God is our helper! God bless you sis! xx

  2. It’s no secret that a man’s ego has a powerful pull on him.

    In fact this hardwired need to impress and to WIN is so deeply embedded into the male mind...

    That nearly everything a man truly desires is based around this biological “drive” to prove, succeed and to win.

    It’s why so many men become workaholics, gym junkies or become obsessed with their hobbies.

    But what most women don’t know... how deeply this “drive” is connected to his love, desire, and attraction for the woman in his life.

    And I’m about to show you how you can “tap into” a man’s ege to refocus that same drive and gut level obsession...

    ...on pleasing you, romancing you, and proving his love for you like you’re his sole purpose in life.

    Here’s how: ==> The “Go Ahead” Signal That Makes Him Obsessed With Winning Your Love


    P.S. When you tap into a man’s ego this way, you can cause him to literally become obsessed with proving his love for you. So please don’t use this on a man unless you are ready for something serious.

    Thanks again.